Tips for Helping

_{The idea spurred from ~etherealism's How to Provide Help in the HWL Forum article, and the volunteers from the chat created this version of it, specialised towards helping people in real-time via the dAmn Chatrooms.}

If you ever feel stuck when giving advice, here are some basic tips to get you started and continue a conversation with a client. Enjoy!

1. Be Courteous from Start to Finish
A great way to make your client feel more welcome is to be engaged, cheerful, and courteous right from when you greet them to when you say goodbye. There is no need to be extravagant in a greeting; a simple direct “hello” with a smile is a well-tested and effective way to start. During a conversation, if there really don’t have much to say on a topic, such as when a client is simply venting, let them know that you are still there by little comments such as “I see” or “I think I understand where you’re coming from”. Finally, when you end a conversation with a client, let them know they are always welcome back and that everyone here is ready to help.

2. Know Your Client
One of the first things you should always do when a person comes in is go on to their deviantART user page. A lot of people have trouble talking to a real person, but most will say what’s going on in their lives through their dA journals. To get a better understanding of your client, you should check out their journals, art, etc. Usually, doing this will give you a heads up on what to expect from your client. As an added bonus, you may find something of theirs that you enjoy and make them feel better in the process!

3. No “I” in “Team”
dAlife is all about teamwork and helping others, so don’t try to go it alone when giving advice. If you don’t know how to help someone, ask for advice in the #dAlifeHelpers room. If you ask to have another helper to directly assist a client, be sure to observe them. Chances are you can learn from their techniques and apply them to future helping situations. Also, try not to help more than one person at a time if at all possible. It is best to have as many helpers as possible working in order to more quickly respond to our clients. If you end up helping more than one person at a time, separating them is advisable. By putting one client in a private room while keeping the other in the public room, you can easily keep track of the different conversations and you’ll never miss a thing.

4. Understand What Your Client is Saying
When a client comes in the room, from start to finish, you need to be paying detailed attention to what they say. In life when you help someone, you can judge by their tone of voice, through facial communication, and other visible factors how they’re feeling. Online, we don’t have the luxury of that, so we need to look at what they’re saying, and try to analyze it in every way possible. Make sure you understand every side of the situation by asking questions (it also ensures them that you’re listening). The more questions you ask, the more you make them think about things, and them more you are revealed to the whole situation.

5. Make Sure the Client Knows what YOU’RE Saying
Use proper grammar and punctuation when possible. Try your best not to use over-the-top chat speak or complex words/grammar as you might throw them off and they might not feel comfortable with talking to you. Remember, they may not know as much as you. And if they don’t, and you think they should, provide them with useful information online to read up on. From the first few minutes of chatting to the client, you should know how to talk to them the way they want to be talked to.

6. Leave Everything At the Door – Except Your Experiences
Leave everything that has been going on outside the chat at the door. Remember, they’re here for help, not you. (But of course, if you do need help you can always ask for it as well.) Also, don’t bring your biases or other opinions into the chat and give it without them asking you or in a way that would affect the outcome of the situation. It will only turn out for the worst. However, should they be in a similar situation that you’ve been in, share your experiences! Tell them what you did and what you think they should do. Make them feel safe that they’ll get through it like you did.

7. Be Entertaining
While this is a serious chat, there is always room for a little fun. When you think things are getting really hard and both of you need a little giggle, then feel free to use some emoticons to spruce things up and make them laugh. It all builds rapport and how comfortable they feel with you.

8. Identifying Self Harm
It is important to know when a client is talking about suicide or self harm. Pay close attention what a client says and how they say it. Words such as “choke”, “wrist”, “cut”, and “blade” are common indicators of self harm. When you suspect this, don’t wait to see what the client says next. Immediately contact a MN@ at #mnadmin to let them know what is going on. From there, try to help the client keep from any indented self harm or suicide and pay attention to what the @MN may tell you to do. Because we are not trained to deal with these situations effectively, you should always advise the client to seek professional help as soon as possible.

9. Keep Your Cool and be Confident
At times, clients may doubt your ability to help based on your age, gender, or lifestyle. First of all, you should refer back to Tip 6 in the event that this happens; a client will doubt you more if you are argumentative. You should then reassure the client that you have the ability to help and you are there to keep their well being in mind (because you are). Most importantly of all, don’t directly state suggestions to a client, such as saying, “Do this…” Using phrases like “I have an idea” or “Have you tried…?” shows that you are confidently helping a client without overbearing them. If you truly do not know how to help, don’t be afraid to ask for it; this shows that you are doing your best to make sure the client gets the help that they need.